Irksome
by deleted-account122
Summary: Just some nice, fun Jisbony possibly Rigspelty oneshoty stuff :
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, this is my first attempt at a Mentalist fic so... yh... be nice plz :) These are all going to be short Jisbony oneshots and I am not the best at updating so plz plz plz be patient :)**

Chapter 1: Tattoo

It had occurred to Patrick Jane that he had never, properly, seen Teresa Lisbon's ankles. He had no idea how he had come across this particular thought, this was just the random type of thought that crossed Jane's mind as he spent countless hours staring up at Elvis the stain, while the rest of the team poured over pages and pages of paperwork. She always had them covered up by trousers and, on the rare occasion that she wore a skirt, tights. He had to find out about her ankles. This was normally Jane's day, mentally going over different parts of his beloved Lisbon to try and find _something _wrong with her, _something_ that may possibly ease the ever-growing emotions that were developing inside of him.

"Liiiiiiiisboooon..."

"What do you want now, can't you see I'm busy?"

"No"

"Well, what do you want?"

"To see your ankles"

"WHAT?"

"You know, the things between your feet and..." Jane was cut off by a magically flying book hurtling towards his head.

_2 Days Later_

Jane stepped cautiously into Lisbon's office. He knew she wasn't in there, but knowing Lisbon she had probably rigged it so, as soon as he enters, a stapler comes flying at his head or something. He proceeded to walk carefully towards her desk and sat down at her chair. No flying staplers yet. He quickly glanced around and started rummaging through her drawers. After a minute and a half, there was still no luck. Jane really didn't know what he was doing, why would there be anything in her desk drawers that would suggest anything abnormal about her ankles. He had no idea what he was expecting to find. Some wart cream maybe and she wore trousers etc to hide a humongous wart or growth from everyone.

Five days later and he still had had no luck in discovering what her ankles looked like, so he decided to take drastic and possibly life-threatening actions. He stopped by her house. He hopped out of his car and knocked on her door. A slight scuffling came from within and the sound of padded footsteps made their way to the door. The door opened, revealing a messy-haired, shorts-wearing Lisbon who looked quite tired and disgruntled.

"JANE?" she screeched, as soon as she recognised who was at the door.

"Tis me, may i come in?"

"uh...bu... nn..."

"Thank you, my dear" and Jane slid past her confused body towards the couch and TV. He noticed that she was watching an old CSI episode and a large pot of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream stood on the coffee table.

"What the hell do you want?" Lisbon's voice brought him back to reality. He suddenly remembered why he was here, he had completely forgotten because, well, the sight of Lisbon in shorts and a tight tank top was enough to drive any straight guy mad.

"Ah!" He announced and made a huge show of looking down at her ankles. He was not expecting to see a tattoo there, to say the least.

It was a small black heart and a red heart, linked together it was about 7cm long.

"Ummm..." was all Jane could manage.

"Yeah, I got it done when I was 17 and rebellious" She said, blushing furiously.

"It doesn't seem that rebellious to me, it suits you completely, small and simple, yet beautiful, not one of those ghastly things that cover your whole arm" He commented.

"I...have a few more you know" she muttered. Jane could hear and he thought she wanted him too.

Four hours later, Jane got to see where the rest of her tattoos were. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys! It's based on Sway by Lostprophets, .com/watch?v=G_GbQKuHrv4 Just listen to it while reading, EPIC SONG!**

Chapter 2: Sway

Lisbon leant her head down on her desk and let a single tear escape her usually tough facade. Her brother had just been found as a drugged-up murderer, barely conscious with all the cocaine pulsing in his system, and she had been the one to tackle him to the ground while his own arm pointing a gun at her. His own sister, the one who had been there for him, through everything.

_When the sun comes down  
When the rain wash away  
All the hopes I can bring  
To another day  
Another day  
_

He was in the hospital, they still didn't know whether he was going to make it, a drug overdose is regularly unpredictable. She hugged her arms tightly around herself and let another tear drift down her pale cheek. She couldn't help but think that this was all her fault, if she would have checked up on him more often, or visited him, and then this would have never happened. The whole team had been silent on the way back, and knew that she needed some time to herself right now.

_When your trees start to sway  
And the wind makes them move  
I can tell that  
You don't know  
_

"Lisbon?" spoke a tender voice from the doorway. She lifted her head up sharply and wiped away the stray tears.

"What do you want Jane?" She asked in a tired voice, resting her head on her hand.

"I need to see whether you're ok, I...the team are worried sick about you" Jane stuttered, he looked as if he didn't know what to say, which was a first.

"Do I look ok Jane, really?" She sighed weakly. The phone on her desk started to ring obnoxiously. She didn't even look at it.

_To all the fights I've conquered and beyond  
The times have changed and I will now move over slowly...  
But through it all I still feel lost without you  
Hard to find a new soul  
The silence takes its toll  
_

"No, and I think that's for you" he said, gesturing at the phone. She sighed again and answered the phone.

"Lisbon... Thank you" She put down the phone and broke down. Jane ran over to her and wrapped his arms round her. He didn't have to ask what the call was about, her brother had just died.

Jane knew what it was like to lose someone, but he handled it the wrong way, leading eventually to a mental hospital. He knew that Lisbon would blame it all on herself, and it would be unlikely that he would be able to convince her otherwise.

_Just sway  
You don't know...  
Just sway  
You don't know...  
Just sway  
When all you want is to find home..._

"It's Ok, I'm here...shhh" he soothed while rubbing slow, comforting circles on her back. She sobbed into his shoulder, clutching at him like a lifeline, because that was what he was to her. Always there to get her through anything, she knew that, when it mattered, he'd be there for her. Jane was reminded of when he lost his wife and child, all the weeks of nothing but mindless sobbing, and the constant feeling of alone. He would never want Lisbon, his Lisbon to feel anywhere near to how he had felt. He had had no one and that is what lead him into spiralling depression. He would be there for Lisbon, always, not even Red John could get in the way of her.

_Theres a light pausing  
Feel the volume of the sky  
Mark your place in time with another question why...  
Tiny flickers in the night  
Always lookin to be right_

"Lisbon? Lisbon? Teresa?" She looked up when he spoke her first name. Her eyes were red and she had a look of pure grief on her face.

"Lisbon, I know you probably won't believe me the first time, but this is not your fault, If there was anything you could do, You can't do anything now, he's gone" He knew that she wasn't going to be one of the people who just needed false reassurance, she needed the truth, no matter how hard it was. He knew that saying that there was nothing she could do would make her either angry, or even more upset, and he knew he had said the right thing.

_You don't know  
Just sway  
You don't know  
Just sway  
When all you want is to find home..._

For the next, God knows how long, they both sat there, she was talking about him, and what he was like. Jane holding and comforting her when her voice cracked and the tears started to fall again. She looked up at him with a small smile on her face.

"Patrick?" She said quietly. Jane was taken slightly off guard when she called him by his first name.

"Yes?"

"Thank you" She hugged him and he smiled slightly.

"Any time"

_Just sway  
And you don't love  
Just sway  
And you don't know  
Just sway  
When all you want is to find home..._

**There you go, a little depressing but meh, if you haven't listened to the song then please do, it is amazing. Anyway, bye for now, please please please review, it means the world to me :) till next update:)**


	3. Chapter 3

**HIya! I've got into doin sort-of-songfics and this one is to Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows (It is my new fav summer happy song!) Enjoy :)**

Chapter 3: Accidentally In Love

Lisbon sat on her spinny chair in her office, with her feet stretched out on top of her desk. She had her eyes closed and a warm beam of sunlight shone from her open window and into her face. A small, peaceful small settled on her face as the warm summer breeze blew strands of her dark hair in her face. She had these moments, alone, where she let down her guard, forgot about anything and everything exept the things that she stopped herself from thinking all week. She forgot about the consequences of thinking of these things, and the feelings she would get afterwards.

_So she said what's the problem baby  
What's the problem I don't know  
Well maybe I'm in love (love)  
Think about it every time  
I think about it  
Can't stop thinking 'bout it_

She thought about Jane during these times, and lost herself in daydreams about him. His smile, his eyes and his ungodly ability to make her feel like the only person in the entire world that mattered. Lisbon knew that she was acting like completely hopeless, love-sick teenager, but she didn't care. Nobody could get in her head while she was alone in her office, and it was in these particular moments that got her through the weeks and months of murder and murderers and murderous people etc. The list went on.

_How much longer will it take to cure this  
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)  
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love_

Jane peered through Lisbon's wnidow from his couch and saw her face. It was the picture of tranquillity and peace. He smiled at what thoughts made her look so calm. He mentally thanked any random God for _something_ that helped her get away from everything. He wouldn't admit it, but during these moments, he would just stare at her, and daydream about her. Nothing in particular, well, except for her eyes, her bright emerald eyes that rendered him speechless.

_Come on, come on  
Turn a little faster  
Come on, come on  
The world will follow after  
Come on, come on  
Cause everybody's after love _

Lisbon dreamed about him telling her that he loved her, telling her that he wouldn't kill Red John, them both stargazing under the night sky and them walking hand in hand on a white sand beach in the sunset. Then, something else popped into her mind, two little children, around seven or eight years old. One was a girl, she had long, curly, blonde hair, and piercing green eyes. The other, was a young boy with messy black hair, and sparkling blue eyes and a mischievous grin.

_So I said I'm a snowball running  
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love  
Melting under blue skies  
Belting out sunlight  
Shimmering love_

She gasped and was pulled out of her dreamlike state. She stared down and the mahogany desk in shock, her eyes widened slightly, but she quickly righted herself and started typing something on her computer. Lisbon didn't really know what she was typing, probably another reply to the mountain of complaints.

_Well baby I surrender  
To the strawberry ice cream  
Never ever end of all this love  
Well I didn't mean to do it  
But there's no escaping your love_

Jane continued staring at her, in a little trance, when she suddenly gasped and sat upright. At first he was shocked, then a little worried, what had caused her to disrupt her dreams, then a little irked at the fact that he had been disrupted as well. He was just having a nice image of him and Lisbon on a beach.

_These lines of lightning  
Mean we're never alone,  
Never alone, no, no  
_

_Come on, Come on  
Move a little closer  
Come on, Come on  
I want to hear you whisper  
Come on, Come on  
Settle down inside my love_

Lisbon stopped typing and stared at the wall in front of her. She thought about the feelings she had been feeling, and the emotions that she had done so much to hide for weeks now. Her mind drifted back to the two beautiful children and felt a pure longing rush through her veins. She gasped quietly and puffed out the gasp in a sigh. She always had these feelings after these moments but this was the worst. Normally, she just felt a small sadness that her dreams would never come true, but now, it was a heart-wrenching need that stopped her heart and make her want to burst into tears

_Come on, come on  
Jump a little higher  
Come on, come on  
If you feel a little lighter  
Come on, come on  
We were once  
Upon a time in love_

Jane needed to do something about her expression, it was painful to watch. She looked a little astounded and mortified and distraught at the same time. He made a snap decision on leaped up off of his couch. She jogged into her office and in the space of two seconds, his mind replayed through images of her, the feeling of her face when she smiled, the look when she saw the pony on her office, the tears when Bosco died. She turned to face him and blushed furiously he was confused for a second then bent down and pressed his lips to hers.

_We're accidentally in love  
Accidentally in love  
Accidentally  
_

_I'm In Love, I'm in Love,  
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,  
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,  
Accidentally _

He captured and wiped away all of the stress on her face as her eyes fluttered shut and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He smiled into the kiss and gently wrapped his arms around her and lifted her to her feet. She stood up and stepped back slightly so the small of her back was resting against the desk. His arms remained wrapped around her waist and he pulled away from the kiss, only to pull her closer and dance kisses from her jawbone to the base of her neck and back up again. After what seemed like forever, he pulled away and smiled at her.

_Come on, come on  
Spin a little tighter  
Come on, come on  
And the world's a little brighter  
Come on, come on  
Just get yourself inside her_

Love ...I'm in love

"I think I'm in love with you" She smiled as she bit her lip. He pressed his lips unbearably softly against hers in a kiss that made her shiver.

"I think I'm in love with you too"

**There you go :) I was very very pleased with the last chapter and this is the longest fanfic I've ever done so plz plz plz plz plz review, it's the only thing that keeps me awake at school! Ta Ta for now **

**:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh my god i am sosososososo sorry! I haven't updated in a month :( just was really busy with end of term and had so much writers block :( this isn't the best i could do because i feel really guilty about not writing for ages!**

Chapter 4: Ice Cream

It was yet another scorching hot day in California and the team had driven over 3 hours to get to the recent crime scene. Jane had, as he normally does, solved the case in a matter of short hours and everybody felt slightly happier than usual. Because they were so far from the pizza place that they normally ordered case closed pizza from, they decided that buying pizza from anywhere else would be breaking the tradition. It was a unanimous vote that they should get something a little more appropriate for the weather.

After about 10 minutes of Jane's back seat driving, they pulled up in front of a colourful ice cream parlour.

"Wow, it's really big!" Rigsby grinned, gazing up at the building in front of them. It really was big, with a huge bar running along the whole of the back wall with about 50 different flavours in, and another bar along the left wall filling with all the toppings imaginable! A large man stood behind the ice cream bar with a hugely exaggerated grin on his face showing most (if not all) of his pearly white teeth.

They settled with two scoops in a polystyrene bowl each, now all they needed to do is choose the flavours. Even Cho took a little while choosing from the wide selection, the man behind the counter was not making it any easier by recommending nearly every ice cream there. They all slowly paced the length of the bar over and over again until they had selected then reselected their choices.

It ended up with Cho having two mint chocolate chips and a vanilla with a flake, Van Pelt with two raspberry ripples and a vanilla with strawberry sauce. Lisbon had a strawberry, a chocolate fudge brownie and a coffee flavour with chocolate sauce. Rigsby's cost the most with (deep breath) Double chocolate chip, chocolate fudge brownie and cookie dough with marshmallows, sprinkles, chocolate and strawberry sauce with three flakes.

Jane wouldn't let the rest of the team see what he bought until they were comfortable seated on a conveniently placed beach with their jackets strewn next to them. He dramatically revealed his bowl to the others who stared at it with a little apprehension. One was a bright blue (blueberry), one was a shocking red (vampire flavour, nobody really wanted to know what was in it) and the other was a beige-y light brownish (butterscotch).

After an hour of Rigsby dropping his ice cream and having to go and get another identical one and Jane trying to steal some of Lisbon's ice cream because the vampire flavour was making his tongue and fingers feel weird, they reluctantly got up and slowly made their way back to the car. Half way back, as they were walking past another ice cream stall which Van Pelt had to drag Rigsby away from, Lisbon got a phone call from Hightower.

"Yes...No... umm... we're stuck in traffic...yes...ok.. bye" She put her phone back in her pocket "You never heard anything..." she warned as the rest of the team giggled slightly, and Jane gave her a playful nudge.

Once they were back in the office, Lisbon noticed something on her desk. A polystyrene flower.

**Meh, not very funny or Jisbony but ahh well... series 3 starts in autumn! So excited!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I have returned from the lake district! Was listening 2 this song while trying 2 think up another oneshot, heard some of the lyrics and realised it was the perfect opportunity for some anit-Kristina-ness! The song is Tell Me I'm A Wreck by Every Avenue (oh, and this is kind of instead of the first date thing they had in the last episode of series 2 and the italics are Jane's thoughts as normal :)**

Chapter 5: Tell Me I'm A Wreck

Jane pulled up in front of the house in which his date for the night was living. The porch light was on as he walked slightly reluctantly up to the front door. He was having second thoughts about this ever since he had agreed to it over the phone, maybe it was too soon, even after so many years?

_I could have been easier on you  
I could have been all you held onto  
I know I wasn't fair, I tried my best to care about you  
I know I could have been a better man  
But I always had to have the upper hand_

Before he had time to sprint back to his car and drive away, the door opened and Kristina stood smiling at him from the doorway. She was wearing a long purple dress and high heels.

"Ah Patrick, I sensed you had arrived" She smiled.

"_Of course you did" _thought Jane sarcastically but plastered his million watt smile on his face and nodded.

_I'm struggling to see the better side of me  
But I can't take all your jabs and taunts  
You're pointing out my every fault  
And you wonder why I walked away_

He had reserved quiet seats on the balcony and the waiter led them to their seats and gave them menus. Jane fidgeted in the awkward silence as Kristina glanced at the menu. "Patrick, I feel that your soul is restless, we both know that your emotional state is in disarray, is there anyone I can contact who would be able to ease your stress?" She sighed in her airy voice.

_When you tell me I'm a wreck  
You say that I'm a mess  
How could you expect anything less?  
You latched onto me then cried that I strung you along_

Jane gritted his teeth slightly and forced a small smile onto his face and shook his head. "Are you ready to order?" he asked, changing subject. Once they had ordered, Jane excused himself and hurried to the bathroom. There was no one else there so he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to the one person who knew him.

_I told you when you asked  
I knew this wouldn't last  
At least I could be honest about that  
And now you're telling everyone  
How I only did you wrong  
I guess you never knew me at all_

Lisbon was sitting at home, with a big bowl full of chocolate ice cream and her Law and Order box set playing on the TV. Her phone vibrated in her jeans pocket and she reluctantly put down her chocolate-y spoon and fished it out.

_Help! :(_

_PJ_

_Xxx_

_Remember on my 21st birthday  
You took me where we went on our first date  
We stayed till closing time, after 4 glasses of wine  
You started with a pointless argument_

She remembered that Jane had his first date with that weird psychic Kristina. She couldn't help but smile that it was going badly. She texted back quickly and put her phone on the couch next to her, she giggled quietly at thoughts of Kristina reading his palms and predicting complete crap.

_You said that I forgot to compliment  
The dress you wore that night  
That I've seen a thousand times  
But I think we just want different things  
I want space, you want a diamond ring  
Whatever made you think we were meant to be?_

Jane waited for as long as it seemed reasonable and was about to leave when the reply text appeared on his phone. He grinned as he read the text through.

_What? Has she got her crystal ball out yet? :P_

_TL_

_xxx _

He replied and walked back to the table to see Kristina staring into space and laughing to herself. He raised his eyebrow and took his seat.

_When you tell me I'm a wreck  
You say that I'm a mess  
How could you expect anything less?  
You latched onto me then cried that I strung you along_

Lisbon's phone vibrated once again and she smiled as she reached for it.

_Oh God, i hope not, i have escaped to the bathroom, must return to the lair, wish me luck ;)_

_PJ_

_Xxx_

She laughed out loud and silently wished him luck, he sounded like he really needed it! She wasn't surprised that it wasn't going spectacularly, after all, she was a little weird.

_I told you when you asked  
I knew this wouldn't last  
At least I could be honest about that  
And now you're telling everyone  
How I only did you wrong  
I guess you never knew me at all_

After 10 awkward minutes of very very small talk and eating the decent food, Kristina sprung up an inappropriate conversation. "Is Red John and your families murder the reason for your restlessness?" Jane stared her open mouthed for a couple of seconds.

"Ummm...I really don't want to talk about this on a date..."

"Ah, but it is relevant to me getting to know you beneath that layer of secrecy that is below your easily read exterior.

_You tell me I'm a wreck  
You say that I'm a mess  
How could you expect anything less  
When you tell me I'm a wreck  
You say that I'm a mess  
How could you expect anything less?_

"Excuse me?" Jane asked in disbelief

"Ah, of course, I sensed that the murders were the source of your troubles... I also sensed that..."

"You _sensed_ that they were the source of my problems, OF COURSE they are, how could they not be?" He nearly shouted in complete shock.

"You are not treating me appropriately for our first date; I am merely assessing your aura..."

"You know what, this is ridiculous, I think I should drive you home now and I also think you should leave the subject" He cut in quietly.

"Don't bother, I'll take a cab" and with that, Kristina Fry stormed off, snapping a stiletto heel in the process, and therefore limping off.

_You latched onto me then cried that I strung you along  
I told you when you asked  
I knew this wouldn't last  
At least I could be honest about that  
And now you're telling everyone  
How I only did you wrong_

Jane sat in his car outside the restaurant, with his phone in his hand, sending an angry text. He set off for the 40 minute drive back into Sacramento. Shaking his head slightly at the sheer nerve of her to mention them on a _date_ of all times!

Lisbon received the text about 10 seconds after he sent it.

_Can't believe her! She starting ranting that she sensed that RJ was the source of my problems, duh! She is ridiculous! Mind if i come over?_

_PJ_

_xxxxx_

_Still I see you standing there  
Waiting 'round for me to fall  
Girl you must be crazy  
Still believing you and me belong  
I guess you never knew me at all._

Lisbon heard a knock on the door and got up to open up to the man who was inevitably standing outside all red faced and flustered. She unlocked the door and pulled it open.

"Hi"

"Hi :)"

**There we go, no very good and a bit long but meh... :) till next time (and ideas are welcome BTW!)**


End file.
